sixth and possibly the last in my series of self-produced music videos. although i’ve enjoyed making these videos, i’m not convinced it’s worth it. you could also argue that the visual stimulus detracts from the music. if i post any new tunes it’ll be on soundcloud from now on
the song came as a moment of inspiration caught on my iphone back in january 2013, initially on my birthday, oddly enough (see my post on 6 february 2013 to listen to the voice memos and 18 september 2013 for a little more about the words). at the time i knew it had the words ‘i fall’, but little else, not my usual lyrical outpouring given a tune to follow. it took until july this year to nail the lyrics, coinciding with a bout of depression, which has yet to lift. there’s something about being down that aids composition
i decided i wanted to work with shadows to fit the subject matter and initially imagined shooting down a flight of stairs, but the practicalities of finding suitable wall space meant i moved location to the room i record in, as it has a nice big wall i can get at. i moved the furniture and tried setting up an old slide projector, but i couldn’t get the size of the image any larger than about A3, so i grabbed a video projector and found its projected size was much better. i thought i’d be projecting white light, but i got a logo instead and had to fiddle around with the settings until a blue screen popped up, which i liked and thought apt. next i had to experiment with my positioning to create a good shadow on the wall and that of the camcorder, which needed to avoid my actual body
i got going and took three or four takes before checking them out. i found i’d stood in the wrong place or moved out of shot and little of the footage was usable. i shot some more. gradually i got enough to cobble together, although i’d have preferred some better shots here and there. i’m growing quite philosophical about how things go, that or just plain lazy. something that’s never changed is the gift of serendipity, when something unexpected happens to the good of the project, like the blue screen and the flickering effect. they weren’t what i had initially planned, they were better!
so this is my swan song. i have no future plans. nothing in the pipeline and, possibly more importantly, no desire to create anything anymore. whenever i get excited about something the reality of the non-event destroys me and i’m currently not strong enough to continue. the only thing musically in my life that has any meaning is the cube orchestra and that’s probably because there’s no importance attached to what we do there, no plan, no rules, no onus, no disappointment